


Finding Our Place

by writing_coke



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, F/F, singleparent!Carmilla
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29180148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_coke/pseuds/writing_coke
Summary: Carmilla is a single parent, doing her best to juggle her company and raising her daughter.Laura is excited to be working her way up in her career and doing her best to make a good impression on her new colleagues.Carmilla doesn't think she has space in her life for love. Laura never thought she would be fitting a child into her life right now.Guess they were both wrong.
Relationships: LaFontaine/Lola Perry, Laura Hollis/Carmilla Karnstein, Wilson Kirsch/Danny Lawrence
Comments: 31
Kudos: 63





	1. A Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had an idea for a meet cute and now I'm writing a whole book around it...let's hope it goes well.  
> Any feedback is welcome :)

**December 18th, 2020**

Carmilla groaned as her alarm blared continuously in the background. A pillow was shoved around her head, doing her best to block out the offending noise, to just lie there for a minute more. She allowed the device to ring out for a minute or two, even though she knew it was only making her more annoyed by the second. 

She had never been very good at getting herself up in the mornings. But it was a habit that she had to force out of herself ever since Eli. Didn’t mean she had to like it. 

Finally, she pushed her body up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes, but that had little of the desired effect. She needed coffee, and she needed it now. Carmilla braced her hands at her sides on the mattress and curved her back to stretch and then planted her feet on the cool tiles. 

Her eyes were basically still closed, but she walked to the kitchen by memory and let her hands take her through the familiar motions of brewing a cup of coffee for one. She let the coffee warm up her body and deeply inhaled, the strong scent bringing her mind completely into the world of consciousness. 

Carmilla walked down the hallway of her apartment, stopping at the door opposite her own, and pushed it open gently. She stepped lightly as she walked up to her sleeping child, but she didn’t know why she bothered. Eli was almost as tough to wake up as her. 

“It’s time to get up, bub”, Carmilla whispered as she bent over the bed and started rubbing lightly on the girl’s back. She heard Eli grumble softly and knew that she was awake. 

“Come on kid, it's already late” she continued, “Mama has to got to get to work eventually.” 

When the only reaction that she received was Eli curling further into herself, Carmilla sighed, “ok I guess you don’t want to see Uncle Will today then”. 

“No, no,” Eli muttered, as she slowly pushed the blankets from her tiny body. “I’m awake.” 

Carmilla smiled. Eli did always have a soft spot for her uncle and the girl had been vibrating with excitement the day before since she got to spend the whole day with him today. 

Carmilla’s business had grown substantially in the past few years and she was able to take most days off to be with her daughter. But today was not one of those days. Carmilla has an important client meeting that morning and was looking forward to being back in the office to check up on her employees. Not that she didn’t trust her staff, but she always liked to keep a tight handle on what was going on at the office. 

“Okay kid, let’s get you dressed.”

Carmilla led her daughter out of the bedroom and took her into the bath, making sure the water was warm enough before washing her. She allowed Eli to pick out her outfit, chuckling when her daughter decked herself out in all black.  _ Just like her mother,  _ Carmilla thought. 

They sat at the kitchen island, and Carmilla poured out bowls of cereal for them before diving in. She let Eli feed herself, and laughed when her daughter looked up at her with milk dripping down the sides of her mouth. Luckily she was able to keep it off her clothes. 

The morning was ticking by and Carmilla noticed it was already eight. She shoved a few more bites into her mouth and started clearing up the kitchen as she waited for Eli to finish eating. When the child was finally done, she let her migrate to the living room to watch some morning cartoons while Carmilla hopped into the bathroom for a quick shower before dressing. 

Carmilla glided through the apartment, alternating between her bedroom and the living room as she collected her briefcase and any documents she would need for the day. The doorbell rang and she rushed over to the intercom to buzz her brother up. She threw on her blazer and opened the door. 

“Willy boy,” she teased. The familiar greeting caught Eli’s attention and the small girl sped her way across the apartment towards Will. 

“Uncle Will!” Eli shrieked, latching herself to his leg, preventing him from moving any further into the apartment.

“Hey kiddo,” he said, looking down to get a better look at his niece. He hadn’t seen her in a while and was just as excited to be able to spend the day with her. 

He shook his leg gently, causing the girl to erupt in a fit of giggles as she gripped him tighter. 

“Hey Kitty,” he said, turning his attention to Carmilla. She was dressed sharply in a grey suit with a black shirt peeking out under the pressed blazer. He smirked at her, “Looking fancy. Hot date?” 

She rolled her eyes at him and nudged his shoulder playfully. “You just take care of the monkey. And keep those comments to yourself, ok William?” she said intimidatingly. But only received one of his shit-eating grins in response. 

She stepped aside as Will trudged further into the apartment, with Eli still latched onto his leg. A small smile graced her face as she watched them, Will continuing to shake his leg to make her daughter laugh. 

“Eli,” she said, watching as Eli turned to her at the sound of her voice. “No goodbye hug?” she asked, feigning offense as she stooped to the floor. The laughter continued as Eli removed herself from Will’s leg and bounded her way towards Carmilla, enveloping her mother in a tight hug. 

Carmilla pulled back slightly and tucked a strand of Eli’s dark curly hair behind her ear. She smiled softly and whispered to her “You be good for Uncle Will, ok?” Eli nodded to her and planted a wet kiss on Carmilla’s cheek. “Love you, bub”. “Love you too, Mama”. 

And then Eli was skipping her way back over to her Uncle and Carmilla was walking out the door. 

***

Laura walked into the building slower than she had done in years, allowing her eyes to roam over everything that she had become familiar with over the past few years. She passed through the staff entrance and took her usual route to the staff room, lingering at all the doors and letting her hands brush over some of the walls and lines of lockers. 

“Hollis,” she heard from one of the staff room tables, swiveling her head towards the pair of gingers that were lounging around casually. 

“We sure are gonna miss you around here,” Danny continued, as Laura made her way over to them. 

She laughed softly and pulled up one of the plastic chairs. “It’s not like I’m leaving the country. The university is only 15 minutes from here.”

“Yea we know, Frosch. But it still won’t be the same,” Laf chimed in. 

Laura’s smile faltered at that. She knew that she was losing something by accepting this new job, and at times, she still wasn’t sure if it was the right decision. Lafontaine and Danny had been with her since college and she was worried about what her life would be like without seeing them every day.

But she had worked her ass off to get her Ph.D., and she would now be getting almost double the pay working over at Silas University than here at the high school. She would be engaging with higher-level material, the things that made her fall in love with Literature in the first place. Plus, the university was world-renowned and it was surreal that she even got the job in the first place. 

The trio fell into silence for a minute, before Lafontaine continued, trying their best to lighten the mood. “Who’s gonna keep Danny from killing the new guy now?”

That caused them all the chuckle lightly, Danny’s face screwing up slightly. 

“I really don’t know why you hate him so much,” Laura said, looking at Danny quizzically. “He seems nice enough. And we all know he doesn’t mean anything by the nicknames.”

“Nice? By using sexist nicknames consistently?”, Danny grumbled, “could’ve fooled me.”

The morning bell rang throughout the room, and all the teachers began shuffling reluctantly out of the room. They all knew the kids would be even more restless than usual on the last day. “Come on guys”, Laura ushered the redheads out of the room, “wouldn’t want to get fired on the last day”. 

From there, the day dragged on slowly for Laura. She only had three classes that day, and despite the few unruly students that just couldn’t wait a few more hours to goof off, all her pupils were well-behaved. Most kids just sat in class and whispered among their friends as Laura spoke. But it was the last day and she wasn’t going to reprimand them for that. 

When the closing bell rang, she took some time to let all the students file out of her classroom and sat at her desk for a minute. A few kids came up to her and wished her luck in her new job and to bid her farewell, but soon enough she was alone. 

She closed her eyes for a minute and just listened to the way the clock above her head ticked away. She ran her fingers along her desk, knowing that this would probably be the last time that she would step foot in this class. 

All of her things were packed into a cardboard box that she had brought with her and she sighed as she stood up and walked out the door for the last time. 

Laura arrived at her car and juggled the box to reach into her purse and pull out the keys. She plopped down in the driver’s seat and sighed before moving her hand to the gear shift and put the car in reverse. Her phone started to ring and she immediately put the car back into park. She twisted around in the confined space, trying to find her phone. Of course, she bumped her head on the car roof, but she was eventually able to get the device from her bag, 

“Hey Perry,” Laura answered cheerily after she checked the caller ID. 

Perry politely and genuinely checked in with Laura, asking her how her last day had been. Laura was able to get off her chest how weird it felt, and of course, Perry was there with comforting words and the promise of baked goods at another date. 

“Laura,” she then started, “do you remember the Christmas Village?” 

Laura laughed, “You mean the one in the town square? That you have helped organize for the last 3 years?” she asked sarcastically. When she received no answer from the other end, she continued, “Of course I remember it, Perry. And I’m very excited to go, don’t worry.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about actually, dear,” Perry said, the stress that she was trying to keep out of her voice now easily detected. “One of the volunteers got sick this morning and she won’t be able to come in.”

“Oh no! Is she ok?” “Yes, she’s fine. It’s just food poisoning gladly. But now we are down an elf in the most important section.”

***

It was 3 pm and Carmilla was already exhausted, but she was still in her meeting and she couldn’t show it. She smiled at everyone that was gathered around the table, which was only a few people by now. Carmilla had dismissed her employees at noon for lunch and told them that she would finish the meeting herself. So now it was only her and the client team. 

Gladly, they seemed to be at their breaking point too, after the 5-hour meeting they had just endured and were all quick to leave. It should have been a simple enough meeting, Carmilla had put her best designer on it and he had come up with beautiful floor plans for the client. But the owner was so picky and couldn’t make a single decision. And when he did make a decision, Carmilla had to spend at least 15 minutes explaining to him why it was a bad decision...and this guy made a lot of bad decisions. 

She ushered them out of the board room easily enough and let out a long sigh as the door closed behind them. She hadn’t had lunch and by now, she was starving. She collected up her things and stretched her back before grabbing her briefcase and heading to her office to put her things away. 

As she strolled towards her office door, she caught sight of her assistant Elsie sitting at her desk. The blonde woman’s head perked up as she heard the sound of Carmilla’s footsteps and she offered a sly smile. That was one thing Carmilla hated about her assistant, she was constantly flirting with her. 

Carmilla had tried to understand it many times, she had never given any signals to Elsie and made sure to shoot her down every time, but nothing worked. It’s not that she was above sleeping around, she just didn’t want to do it with her employees. She had standards after all. 

“Afternoon Elsie,” she said shortly as she passed into her office. She rested her briefcase on her desk and put the papers she was holding in a neat pile on the side. After surveying her desk and the small side tables in her large office, she noticed that her lunch was nowhere in sight. 

She popped her head back out the door, “Where did you put my lunch?” she asked Elsie. It took the woman a while to respond, as she slowly processed that Carmilla was speaking to her and then let her eyebrow raise seductively. 

“Oh, I put in the break room ma’am,” she said, “a burger combo from Wally’s just like you asked. But I didn’t want it to get too cold, so I put it in the microwave.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and immediately started walking towards the break room, ignoring the sounds behind her as Elsie got up from her desk and started to trail behind Carmilla.

“Miss Karnstein,” Elsie said, “before you eat, I needed to talk to you about something.” 

Carmilla groaned softly and flipped her middle finger up, out of Elsie’s sight. She really didn’t have the patience right now to deal with the endless flirting and she was almost too hungry to care if she snapped. “I don’t have time right now,” she said forcedly, “we will discuss after I have had lunch.”

“It’s important,” Elsie continued as they reached the door to the break room, and she placed her hand on Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla jerked back at that and turned around to face Elsie, her face hardened as she did her best to keep her composure. “I said after lunch,” she commanded through gritted teeth. And she turned back and marched into the break room. 

“Mama!” she heard, and she blinked her eyes to see her daughter grinning at her excitedly from one of the lunch tables. 

“That’s what I was trying to tell you, ma’am” Elsie muttered quietly as she cast her eyes downwards to avoid the look of anger that Carmilla was shooting her way. 

“Hey, baby” Carmilla said sweetly as she turned and walked towards Eli. “How did you get here?”

“Uncle Will dropped me off,” Eli replied happily. Carmilla looked over at Elsie, waiting for more of an explanation. 

“Your brother said he was called into an emergency at work,” Elsie offered shortly, still very much aware that Carmilla was not pleased with her. 

Normally Carmilla would be upset with her brother. But an emergency at work had to be serious since he still worked for Mother, and Carmilla knew that whatever it was he was suffering much more than she could ever make him. 

She nodded at Elsie. “Next time, you don’t leave her unattended,” Carmilla said firmly, the anger in her eyes not going unnoticed to the blonde, “Just bring her straight to me.” She waved her out of the room, and Elsie was quick to depart, leaving without another word. 

“Ok, monkey,” Carmilla joked, turning her full attention back to her daughter. “What are you up to?” She took a seat beside Eli and listened carefully as Eli told her that Elsie had given her paper and a pencil and left her in here to draw. She watched as Eli showed her pages of non-sensical drawings and nodded along as Eli explained what they were supposed to be. 

Carmilla’s stomach rumbled again, reminding her of why she came here in the first place. “Those drawings are beautiful, Eli,” she said, “now are you hungry?”

Eli nodded eagerly and raised her arms in the air, gesturing for Carmilla to pick her up. She scooped her up and perched the small child on her hip, and started moving around the small kitchen area. She put the food to heat in the microwave for a bit, as it had gotten cold now. 

She walked around the room carrying Eli as they both waited for the greasy-smelling food. Carmilla stopped in front of the old bulletin board that was mounted on the wall next to the fridge. She had initially put it up so that employees could keep track of all the important client meetings, but that was years ago when the business was still trying to find its feet. Everyone kept their own records now, and the bulletin board was only used for trivial things. People would post up inspirational messages, small advertisements, and even a few donation sheets.

Carmilla scanned through all the posters, just trying to pass time. 

“Mama, look!” Eli shrieked, tapping at Carmilla’s shoulder to get her attention. She pointed her tiny fingers to a poster of a cheesy cartoon Santa. “Yea bub, that’s for the Christmas Village,” Carmilla said. “We went there last year, remember?”

“Can we go again?” Eli begged, looking up at Carmilla and pouting. She knew that Carmilla hardly ever said no to her if she pouted like this. “Sure,” Carmilla gave a light-hearted laugh. “But first, let’s get some food in this tummy,” she said as the microwave beeped in the background. 

***

“These costumes are ridiculous,” Laura huffed as she spun around and watched herself in the mirror. The elf costume was a short green dress, with sparkly red accents and green boots that were curled at the front. To top it all off, her head was adorned in a big green hat with fake, cartoony ears pointing out from the side. 

“I look ridiculous,” she said, turning towards Lafontaine and crossing her arms angrily. “Why didn’t you just do this?” she asked, pouting, “I mean, Perry is your wife you know!”

Laf laughed at her and shrugged nonchalantly, “Told yah, Laur. Perry already put me on lights duty. And Danny is way too tall to pass for an elf. It had to be you.”

“But I look ridiculous,” Laura repeated, throwing her arms up exasperatedly before she settled down on one of the benches in the dressing room. 

“Oh Laura, you look great!” Perry remarked as she walked into the room, causing Laf to erupt in laughter and Laura’s frown to deepen. “What?” she asked confused. 

“Nothing,” Laura sighed, knowing she shouldn’t complain since Perry really needed her for this. “What do I have to do?”

“Your job is easy, don’t worry Laura,” Perry started, as she began leading Laura through the Christmas-themed village that been constructed. “You are already great with kids, so this should be a piece of cake.”

Laura listened intently as Perry rambled off the few responsibilities that she was expected to carry out. It seemed simple enough, even though she did have to wear this ridiculously short dress that would give her no comfort from the cold and made her look even more childish than normal. 

The place was filled with stalls, some selling holiday-themed treats and many more that were set up with games that could win you anything from a stuffed reindeer to a snowglobe. The entire place was cute, decked out in extravagant Christmas lights, candy cane lampposts, and little Christmas trees scattered around the surroundings. 

Not to mention that the Silas snow had covered everything in a thin layer of white, creating the perfect winter wonderland. 

Perry stopped when they had arrived at ‘Santa’s Workshop’, a red, plush throne sitting center stage as a line of delighted kids stood in line to have their pictures taken with the jolly, old man dressed in red and white. All Laura had to do was help to keep the kids and parents calm as they waited their turn, and hand a small candy cane to each kid after they got their picture taken. 

Seemed simple enough. Until it wasn’t. 

Two hours passed, and Laura was now entirely exhausted. She didn’t really have the luxury to be though, as the shift still had two more hours to go. The night had drawn upon them, the dark adding another level of beauty to the Christmas magic. She wanted to be able to appreciate how beautiful the place looked, but having to deal with both whiny kids and whiny parents, she just really didn’t have it in her. She didn’t know people to be this rude before...but then again, they do say that Christmas brings out the worst in people. 

The Santa volunteer looked over to Laura, giving her a sad, grossed-out look that she had grown accustomed to throughout the shift so far. Yes, another kid had wet their pants on the poor, old man’s lap. She quickly picked up the child, making sure to hold them away from her body, and handed them to their parents, who offered a look of apology. 

She walked over to the “we are on a 10-minute break” sign and moved out of the way so that Santa could make his way into the dressing room and change his pants...again. She put on a forced smile and readied herself to deal with any parents that came to complain about the wait. 

“Excuse me,” she heard, as she felt a small hand tapping lightly against her leg. Laura looked down quickly and saw a tiny, dark-haired child smiling shyly at her. 

She did a brief survey of the surroundings, checking to see if the girl’s parents were anywhere nearby. But when she came up empty, she stooped down in front of the girl and smiled at her softly. 

“Hey there”, she said, “are you lost?” 

The girl shook her head and pointed in an arbitrary direction, “My mama is in line. My name is Eli.”

“Ok, Eli,” Laura continued, offering a reassuring smile to the girl, “My name is Laura. Can I help you with something?”

“Mhm,” the girl hummed, shifting nervously from side to side, not completely comfortable talking to a stranger. “Can you tell Santa something for me?” she muttered softly, trying not to make eye contact with Laura. 

“Why don’t you just tell him yourself when you meet him?” Laura asked, trying her best to speak gently with the clearly anxious child. 

Eli finally looked up at her, “my mama doesn’t like the line” she said simply. Laura nodded at her and waited for Eli to continue, before she eventually caught on that the girl was waiting for Laura’s response. “Sure I can give Santa a message,” she said, and she watched the child’s face light up in excitement. 

She saw the girl’s mouth open to speak, but she was immediately cut off by a loud voice shouting in their direction. 

Laura snapped her head up and noticed a short, slim and definitely angry brunette stomping her way through the line and towards them. She noticed the woman’s furrowed brow and that she shared her dark messy hair and pale skin with the little girl.  _ This must be the mother,  _ Laura thought. 

***

Carmilla had decided that today was as good a day as any to take Eli to the Christmas Village. Yes, the holiday was still a week away, but she wanted to avoid the crowd since she knew that large masses of people always set her on edge. What she didn’t count on was that many other Silas residents had the same idea. The place was absolutely packed. 

She groaned when she saw the long lines leading from almost every booth, but they were already here and Eli was much too excited for them to just leave. 

So she parked her car in the closest spot she could find and grabbed tightly onto her daughter’s arm as they began trekking through the Christmas-infested place. Carmilla had never been a big fan of the holiday in general, but she knew it was a child’s holiday, and she couldn’t deny that seeing the way Eli’s face lit up brought a smile to her own face. 

“Ok, monkey,” she said, playfully messing with her daughter’s hair, “let’s go meet the man himself.”

They walked through the place, not wasting too much time, but stopping every now and then to grab a snack that looked too good to pass up, or to snap a picture of Eli that Carmilla just knew she had to take. Soon enough they were at the section they came for and Carmilla quickly joined the line with Eli in tow. Even Carmilla had to admit that whoever organized the event did a pretty good job, and that the ‘Santa’ was pretty realistic. 

They stood in line for a while, and were about halfway to the front, the entire thing moving at a decent pace. But then it stopped, and the line didn’t move once for a few minutes. The cold was biting her in the ass, and she looked down to make sure that Eli was properly bundled in her winter jacket. 

A few more minutes passed, and Carmilla noticed that not only herself, but other people in line were starting to get restless. She checked her watch and decided to give it a few more minutes, solely for Eli’s sake. 

Then, a few more minutes passed, and still no movement of the line. She groaned loudly before rubbing at her sides to keep away the cold and then looked down to see how her daughter was handling the cold. She would wait a bit longer if it meant she got Eli her picture with Santa, but not if her child was also getting restless from the cold. 

She looked down. But no Eli.  _ What the fuck?  _ She thought, and then promptly said, “What the fuck?” as panic flooded into her. A number of parents turned her way, shooting daggers at her for her language, but Carmilla couldn’t care less at the moment. 

Carmilla stepped out of the line.  _ Ok, she couldn’t have gone far Carmilla.  _ She thought to herself, she brain working on overdrive as she scanned the surroundings.  _ You just had her...so she has to be somewhere close.  _

She rushed her way towards the back of the line, her head swivelling in every direction as she walked, her eyes peeled for her daughter. When she got to the back of the line and still saw no sign of her, she took a deep breath in, feeling her breathing becoming shaky with panic and worry.  _ Don’t panic, Carmilla. You’ve barely looked anywhere yet. Still plenty of places to look.  _

She spun herself in the opposite direction and started walking towards the front of the line.  _ Yea, maybe she went to catch a peak of Santa.  _ Carmilla thought.  _ Don’t panic! _

Her head was still turning in every direction, and she had started calling Eli’s name without even realizing it. A lot of parents looked her way, offering looks of sympathy, and eventually one of the workers walked up to her. 

“Goodnight ma’am. Can I help you?” the man asked politely. 

“Can you help me?” Carmilla muttered and laughed coldly.“I can’t find my kid, dumbass!” she yelled, “so yea, you can help me.”

“Ok ma’am,” he said calmly.  _ How the fuck can anyone be calm right now?  _ “No need for vulgar language ma’am. Can you tell me what the child looks like?” 

Carmilla barely processed what he was saying, and kept her head turning in every direction and her eyes examining everywhere she could as she started rattling off how her daughter looked and what she was wearing. 

“Small, brunette girl, thick, blue coat and fluffy, white cap,” the man repeated. “Yes, I think I’ve seen her ma’am,” he said, causing Carmilla’s full attention to snap towards him immediately. 

She eyes were still filled with panic and she looked at him pleadingly. 

“Follow me,” he announced and started walking even further upwards. And there she was. Her small daughter, with her back towards Carmilla, talking casually with one of the workers.

_ God dammit  _ “Thank you so much,” she said quickly to the man, as she started marching her way towards her. 

“Eli Karnstein,” she yelled, and watched as her daughter turned towards her. Most of her anger had subsided, replaced with relief at seeing her child’s face staring back at her. But there was definitely still enough left for her to yell at Eli a bit. 

She stooped down besides Eli immediately, pulling her into a crushing hug. “Don’t do that again!” she said firmly, pulling away slightly so that Eli could see her face and see how serious Carmilla was being right now. 

“You don’t leave without mama, ok?” she said, watching as Eli gave a curt nod. She hated to yell at her daughter, but times like these, well it was necessary. 

She pulled her back into a hug, allowing herself to hold Eli a bit longer, not really caring that she was in a public space. 

When she pulled away, she took Eli’s hand tightly, not planning on letting go until they were back at the car. Thats when she remembered that they had an audience, and she turned to the woman that her daughter had been speaking with. 

Carmilla opened her mouth to thank her, she wouldn’t know where she would be if she hadn’t kept Eli talking and therefore nearby. But as soon as she took in the honey-haired woman standing before her, her words died on her tonue. 

She raked her eyes over the woman, who looked ridiculous if she was being honest. Dressed head to toe to green and red, with the dumbest looking ears poking out from her hat, and a basket of candy canes in her hand. 

She looked like a total dork, and definitely not like Carmilla’s usual type as she stood there with a nervous grin plastered on her face. 

Carmilla cleared her throat when she felt like the silence between them was dragging on for too long. “Sorry about that,” she drawled, “Kids, you know?”

The woman’s eyes darted around Carmilla’s face and she tried to see if she was blushing, but it was hard to tell between the cold and the insane about of makeup that had been applied to the woman, in what was probably an attempt to make the elf costume more believable. 

“That’s fine,” the woman responded. “Eli here, was very polite,” she said, and Carmilla noticed as she threw a quick wink towards her daughter. 

“Well, still, thanks alot,” Carmilla said, turning to walk away, making sure that Eli’s hand was tightly gripped in hers. 

“Wait!” the woman said, causing Carmilla to face her again. The blonde looked genuinely shocked that Carmilla was looking at her and Carmilla cleared her throat to remind her that she had called them back, probably for a reason. 

“Eli hasn’t gotten to see Santa yet.” the woman said quickly, “and I know you probably aren’t eager to go back in line after all of that, so I can jump you to the front. You just can’t tell anyone, cuz then, you know, everyone would - ”

“Thats not necessary cupcake,” Carmilla said, cutting the woman off. As much as she found it endearing that the woman was willing to do that for them, she didn’t want to reward Eli after what she did. She looked down and saw Eli looking up at her with the sweetest smile on her face, practically vibrating with excitement, but she couldn’t budge. It was bad cop time. 

“Eli won’t be getting to see Santa today,” Carmilla said matter-of-factly, surprised to see that the woman’s pout was rivalling her daughter’s. 

“But mama,” she heard Eli start, the small child’s voice straining as she tried to fight the tears. 

“Sorry kiddo,” Carmilla said gently, scooping Eli up into her arms. “Not after that stunt you just pulled. We can come back another day to see him, just not today ok?”

The woman offered her a small smile before Carmilla turned and walked away, Eli curled into her as she cried softly. 


	2. The First Day

**January 4th, 2021**

Firsts had never been a big deal for Carmilla. Growing up, she had the safety net of a wealthy family and that made her careless most of the time. She didn’t get nervous on the first day of high school and she barely spent any time deciding on her college degree. Firsts always just seemed like another day, nothing special about them. 

That all changed when she had Eli. In the beginning, every day felt like a first to her. Every time the adorable baby would smile at her or mumble nonsensically. All these firsts mattered and everything about them felt special. 

Unfortunately, they also tended to do a good job at reminding her that she was alone...that she had no one to turn to and gush about the perfect child with. 

Over the years, the feeling became muted and it was easy to ignore most of the time, but still baring its ugly head for some of the big moments.

But this wasn’t a first, more of a second, and Carmilla didn’t anticipate that she would be feeling like this. She pulled the car aside, a little way away from the school, and started to unbuckle Eli from her car seat. 

It was the first day of the second term, but Carmilla couldn’t help but remember the actual first-day last year. She couldn’t help but mourn the fact that her daughter, who was crying in her arms last year at the mere thought of being separated from her, was practically shaking with excitement. She barely got a wave as she dropped Eli off in the classroom, the small girl running off to sit among the other children. 

She let out a small sigh and made her way back to her car. Luckily, she had taken the day off just in case Eli needed her that day. It seemed that decision was more hopeful on her part, but at least she didn’t have to go into the office now, because she was not up for it. 

Carmilla turned onto the main road. It wasn’t too congested this late in the morning, but then again, Silas was a small enough town and the road rarely ever was. 

She gripped the steering wheel, trying to calm herself from the familiar feeling that started to creep through her. 

Her leg felt heavy, and she let it drop slightly on the gas pedal, the buildings starting to blur at her sides as she drove. She knew she shouldn’t be speeding. She knew it would only stress her out more, but she couldn’t help it. She just wanted to be in motion, and this was the best way she knew how. She needed to be anywhere but here. 

Eventually, she felt her hands tighten and they started to tremble slightly as panic started to pass into her system. Her breathing quickened and she felt as if the car was sliding on the snow as she drove. She knew it wasn’t, the road was clear, it hadn’t even snowed that week. But she couldn’t handle it anymore. 

She pulled to the side and put the car in park. Her head dropped immediately to the top of her steering wheel, and she hit her forehead lightly against it as she tried to catch her breath. 

She needed to be anywhere but here. And she knew just the place. 

***

Laura was beaming with energy that morning. It was already 9 am and she had been trailing behind a very preppy man as he showed her around the campus. He was a postgraduate student at Silas, a Lit. major in fact, which was probably why they picked him to show her around. 

But by now, they had scoured every inch of the campus, passing dorms and getting a thorough run-through of every faculty building. She didn’t understand why she needed to see all of the chemistry building, but she knew Laf would appreciate her telling them about the state-of-the-art labs they had. 

“Don’t forget you have a meeting with the Dean at 10, Professor Hollis,” the student said, dismissing her. Laura blushed at the words, she was still getting used to the whole ‘Professor’ thing and she was loving it. 

She started making her way down one of the beautiful pathways through the campus, that was something she learned in her tour. Silas had a flair for the dramatic, every building was towering and just screamed of elegance and sophistication. It was kind of intimidating if she was being honest. Everything looked like it was out of Rome. 

_ Well, almost everything,  _ she thought, stopping as the Faculty of Art and Design came up on the right of her path. The building was new, brand new in fact. It hadn’t even been opened to the public yet, but there was supposed to be a ceremonial ribbon cutting later that week. 

The building was...well it was something. Breathtaking was definitely one word for it. It stood out against the rest of the campus. Where the rest was sharp edges, this building was perfect, neverending arches. Where the rest was pristine white, this building was dark and drawing. The place was weird, and Laura wasn’t sure if she liked it. The whole thing just felt so intense. She could tell that an artist had designed it. I mean, it made sense, it was the art building after all. 

As she was standing there, taking it all in, she saw a window crack open and someone swinging their leg over and climbing out of the building. Well, that certainly seemed suspicious. They were too far away for Laura to tell anything about them, but the all-black clothing had to say something to their no-good behavior. Laura looked around to see if anyone else was witnessing this person who so obviously had just broken and entered. Like seriously, they weren’t even trying to be discreet.

“Excuse me, miss!” Laura said loudly, trying to catch the attention of the intruder. She waited a few seconds to see if they had heard her, but they were simply walking around the building, running their hands along the walls. 

“You are trespassing, you know?” she said louder, really hoping they would hear that. She didn’t want to have to trespass herself and cross under the ribbon that was separating the area. Most likely no one would mind, she was a teacher after all, but it was the principle of the thing. 

Thankfully, that seemed to get their attention, and the women turned around and started walking towards her. 

_ Holy Hufflepuff!  _ Laura thought as the women walked closer and closer to her. She knew that face. The dark-haired woman was dressed in tight black jeans, with a leather jacket tucked under her thick winter jacket. A slight blush was warming her face as she stared at the woman and her brain felt like it had short-circuited for a minute. 

“Candy cane girl,” the woman drawled as she stepped in front of Laura, with the ribbon running between them. Laura was confused, and if the smirk that stretched across her counterpart’s face was any indication, it translated onto her face. 

“You probably don’t remember,” a deep chuckle escaped from the woman, and Laura did her best not to ogle her.  _ How could I not remember that face? _

“Christmas Village,” Laura said matter-of-factly, a wide smile spreading across her face, “but you are still trespassing.”

The beautiful woman turned her head back to the building for a moment, “oh right,” before ducking back under the ribbon, standing even closer to Laura than before. Too close. It felt like she was everywhere and Laura told herself that she should probably take a step back, but her feet didn’t seem to remember how. 

“Well it was nice seeing you again, candy cane girl,” she heard, a perfectly sculpted eyebrow being raised before the woman started walking away. 

“It’s Laura,” she said abruptly, her brain barely even working anymore.

***

Carmilla hadn’t expected to see this woman ever again. And in the event she did see her again, she hadn’t expected her heart to be hammering the way it was now. Back in December, she had convinced herself that the adorable blond had only seemed so attractive because she was the one that saved Eli. But standing here right now, she knew that wasn’t true. 

The woman was either blushing at her, or her face was flushed from the cold. She had her hand extended towards Carmilla, obviously expecting her to shake it. Carmilla couldn’t help her small smile at the woman’s endearing-ness, but she simply raised her eyebrows at the outstretched hand. “Pleasure,” she drawled, as she took Laura’s hand and shook it firmly. “Carmilla.”

Carmilla was not expecting to flirt with her, she never flirted with people that knew she had a daughter. It just seemed to turn most people off. But with the nervous way Laura was looking at her, that didn’t seem to be the case right now. 

“So...what do you study?” Laura asked genuinely, her bright eyes shining.

“Oh, I don’t go here cupcake”

A little bit of relief flowed through Laura.  _ Good, she’s not a student!  _ She thought, before mentally scolding herself.  _ Calm down, Hollis. You don’t even know if she’s gay. Gay? She has a kid Laura! She’s most likely married.  _

Carmilla cleared her throat softly, pulling Laura out of her own head and alerting her of the silence that had settled between them. 

“So you just came to break in?” Laura joked her laugh dying in her throat as she saw the mischievous glint in Carmilla’s eyes. 

“Oh my! You totally did, didn’t you?” she asked shocked, her mouth falling open.

“What about you, cupcake?” Carmilla asked, ignoring Laura’s question. “What do you study?”

“Oh, I don’t go here either,” she said, pausing slightly, not sure if she wanted Carmilla to know she worked here.  _ You’re not supposed to be flirting on the job, Laura. You’re also not flirting with her, so it’s no big deal.  _

“I actually work here,” Laura continued. 

Part of her expected Carmilla’s eyes to widen in surprise when she told her that. That’s the reaction that most people had since she was pretty young to be a professor. But Carmilla’s face remained neutral. 

Carmilla ran her eyes over the blonde for a moment. She was gorgeous, and the look on her face told Carmilla that she was definitely interested. And it’s not like Carmilla had anywhere better to be right now. 

“Well, Professor,” Carmilla said, smoothly. “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?”

Laura didn’t answer, but as Carmilla started walking in a direction she knew would lead to a coffee cart, she was following wordlessly. 

The walk felt awkward to Laura, she wasn’t normally one for silences. But as she looked at Carmilla beside her, she seemed comfortable with the silence. 

Carmilla ordered a black coffee for herself, handing the barista enough money to cover Laura’s hot chocolate as well. 

“So cutie,” Carmilla said, taking a long sip. “What do you teach?”

Laura started talking about the upcoming classes she had, explaining that she was a new teacher and that this was all still feeling a bit overwhelming to her. She even went into detail about all the classes she had and how excited she was for her first big lecture later that day. She had never taught to a class that size and she was looking forward to it. 

Meanwhile, Carmilla just smiled at her. It wasn’t often that someone spoke to her as openly and effortlessly as Laura seemed to be. It was refreshing. She was accustomed to people always holding their tongue around her, she could be a bit intimidating at times. But the large, genuine smile that was gracing Laura’s face and the way her eyes were shining with emotion as she spoke, well it was different.

It certainly did not hurt that Laura was easy on the eyes. That may be an understatement though. Carmilla couldn’t help that her eyes were running over her as she spoke, taking in the way she moved her hands around wildly as she talked. Soon, Carmilla just stopped and stared at her face as she talked some more. She didn’t normally like when people spoke this much, but when Laura did it, it was kind of cute. 

Soon enough, Carmilla wasn’t even thinking about how depressed she had felt that morning. 

Laura did not miss the way Carmilla was studying her. It was hard to miss when Carmilla’s eyes were so dark that they felt like they existed on another plane of existence. And Laura couldn’t help but stare back at them. She knew she was still talking, her brain was on some default setting, having her talking with no idea of what she was saying. She was much too focused on keeping the blush out of her cheeks. 

“So,” Laura said, breaking Carmilla from her trance and bringing her cup of hot chocolate to her face. She hoped that the warmth from the cup would ease her flushing face a bit. “How is Eli?”

Carmilla’s eyes widened at Laura’s question. She hadn’t expected Laura to remember her daughter’s name. I mean, she had only met Eli once, and it was for a brief moment. And she certainly did not expect Laura to ask about her. 

Great, now the sadness from earlier was back.  _ Thanks a lot, Cupcake.  _

But Carmilla didn’t know why, but the choking loneliness at the thought of Eli leaving her that morning no longer felt as unbearable. Maybe it was the warm, welcoming way that Laura was staring at her, or maybe it was just that enough time had passed. Yea, it was probably the latter. 

Another thing Carmilla didn’t expect was to answer the question. Or at least, she did not expect to start telling Laura about that morning. A genuine smile had grown on Carmilla’s face (without her permission) and she started telling Laura about how excited Eli had been that morning. 

“But that's enough about me, cutie,” Carmilla said, suddenly self-conscious about how comfortable she felt. But she also didn’t want to leave. She just wanted to direct the conversation back to Laura. That way she would still get the comfort, that she probably shouldn’t be getting from something so simple, of hearing Laura talk to her. 

“Maybe we could get some lunch?”

Laura beamed up at her, she was glad that Carmilla wanted to keep talking to her. Because she was worried for a moment that she scared her off. 

“It’s a bit early for lunch, don’t you think?” she joked.

“If by early you mean almost noon, then yea it’s a bit early.”

_ Noon?  _ Laura’s head jerked down and she pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket quickly. How was it already noon? Did she really have such a good time talking and staring at Carmilla that she didn’t realize that almost three hours had passed?

“Merlin’s beard!” Laur shrieked. “I’m so sorry, Carmilla! I’m late for a meeting.” Well, not late anymore since the meeting was two hours ago. 

She was already halfway up and ready to bolt off when Carmilla grabbed her arm firmly. “Wait, Laura,”

When Laura turned back and caught the vulnerable look in Carmilla’s eyes, her worry about her meeting was gone again. “Can I have your number?”

***

Carmilla sat in the coffee shop alone after that. She allowed her brain to wander for a bit and she was suddenly hit with inspiration. She might as well get some done anyways, so she picked up one of the stray napkins on the table and pulled a pen from her pocket. 

Soon enough, an hour had passed and she had doodled half of an exterior building plan across a few different napkins. An alarm was going off on her phone and when she checked it, it was to tell her that it was time to pick Eli up.

She shoved the napkins into her jacket pockets and started walking briskly to her car. She pulled up at the curb of the school a few minutes later, the perks of living in a small town. She parked a little distance away from the front of the school and started walking. Cars weren’t permitted to go any closer so that the school could make sure all the children were safe. It would have seemed like a silly rule to Carmilla before, but since it was her daughter, she didn’t mind the extra precautionary measures. 

After standing there for a few minutes, putting on her ‘you better not talk to me’ face for the other parents, she saw the children start to file out. Her little Eli was bounding her way forward along with her classmates and had a wide grin plastered on her face. Her small backpack was bouncing on her back and her hands were flailing around as she held onto her lunchbox tightly. 

“Mama!” she shouted, her voice only barely heard over the other screaming children in the yard. 

“Hey monkey,” Carmilla said as Eli stopped herself with a sudden halt in front of her. “Do you have all your things?” she asked and Eli nodded as she reached her hand up for Carmilla to hold. 

She let Eli shout her goodbyes to her friends in the schoolyard and the pair were then walking to the car. Carmilla was holding Eli’s hand securely.

It was a bit difficult to buckle her into her car seat, as Eli was wriggling around excitedly as she told Carmilla about her day. Carmilla simply smiled warmly as she listened to her talk about the green crayon that she broke and the sticker she got for writing all of her letters correctly. She could listen to Eli talk for hours on end, but as Carmilla climbed back into the front seat, Eli had run out of things to say.

“So monkey,” Carmilla started, bracing herself for the shrieking that she knew her ears were about to endure. “Guess who’s coming over later.”

Eli set her face deep in thought, her eyebrows bunched up. “I dunno.”

“Well, how do you feel about spending some time with Uncle Kirsh?”

And Carmilla was right about the shrieking. Eli was bouncing around in her car seat, chanting something that sounded like ‘Pizza or death!’. No doubt something that Kirsch had taught her. 

Carmilla laughed along with the girl for a bit, both of them sitting in the car and laughing their heads off as the chanting continued. She let Eli calm herself down and then turned off the car and took her upstairs. 

They still had a few hours until Kirsch would be here, and the two brunettes immediately cuddled up on the couch together. Carmilla flipped through a thick philosophy book and Eli held onto one of her Dr. Seuss books. 

***

Carmilla was awoken by her phone ringing in her ear. She groaned and looked down to see Eli lying down on her chest and her tiny arms wrapped around Carmilla’s torso. They must have fallen asleep on the couch. 

She groaned softly and picked up her phone from the nearby coffee table, doing her best not to wake her sleeping child. 

“Carm-sexy!” she heard as she answered the call. “Are you going to let me in anytime soon?”

_ Oh right, Kirsch. _

“Eli,” she whispered, lightly rubbing circles on her daughter’s back. No response. As much as she wanted to leave Eli sleeping peacefully, she already knew she had slept longer than needed for an afternoon nap. She would be a hassle at bedtime now. And she also would be so upset if Carmilla let her miss hanging out with Kirsch. 

“Wake up, bub,” she said louder, “Uncle Kirsch is here.”

“Big bro?” Eli asked through a big yawn, pushing herself off of Carmilla. Which hurt as Eli pressed down hard on her, but it was fine, she could take it. 

Carmilla maneuvered Eli off of her lap and made her way to the front door, running her hands through her sleep-hair as she walked. She let Kirsch in and let him join Eli on the couch before she went to the kitchen to get dinner started. Her apartment had an open floor plan and she could hear clearly as Kirsch played with Eli, laughter ringing out from the both of them. 

She looked down at her phone and remembered that morning and her conversation with Laura. As much fun as it was talking with Laura, Carmilla was not one for relationships. But she was always down for a one night stand if it was with someone as beautiful as Laura. 

She glanced back over at the couch, and she knew that she knew that she could get Kirsch to watch Eli later that week. In fact, if he knew that Carmilla was going to get laid he would probably volunteer to watch Eli for her. So she typed out a quick text to Laura. 

**Carmilla (6:37 pm): Hope I didn’t make you too late for your meeting cutie**

***

Laura was exhausted after she got home. After her morning flew by chatting with Carmilla over coffee, she had to spend the whole day playing catch-up with everything that she was supposed to do. Not to mention that she made a terrible impression on the Dean after she showed up two hours late for their meeting with absolutely no excuse at all. She couldn’t exactly tell her that she got side-tracked staring at the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. 

Luckily, she didn’t have to worry about dinner for herself. She was heading over to Laf and Perry’s. Because of course, Perry insisted on having her over to celebrate her first day as a Professor at the esteemed Silas University. 

She pulled up in front of the small house, close to the edge of the city. Laura didn’t know how they got such a good deal on this place, especially when they were both on teacher’s salaries. But she assumed the distance was the main drawback and was probably why no one wanted it. But thanks to Perry’s touch and Lafontaine’s handiness with almost all tools, the place felt like home to any guests. 

Perry greeted her with a wide smile, ushering her inside and immediately offering her some snacks. Lafontaine on the other hand was glued to the television, watching a nature documentary very intently. 

“Hey Frosch,” they greeted casually as Laura sat down next to them. “How was the first day?”

Laura immediately started telling them about her day. She didn’t mention Carmilla though, sticking to telling them about her lecture and how it was so different teaching university students instead of high schoolers. She kept it brief since she didn’t do much that day besides talking with and thinking about a certain dark-haired beauty. 

She knew Laf probably thought that it strange that she wasn’t taking the chance to ramble on about her new job, but Laura just didn’t have much to say after her light day of work. So she just shifted the conversation to Lafontaine, asking them about how school was without her. 

Perry came drifting back into the room and leading them to the dining table. The place smelt great and Perry set plates in front of them, as well as a delicious looking lasagna. Right as Laura was about to shovel the first bite into her mouth, she felt her phone vibrate against her leg. 

**Unknown (6:37 pm): Hope I didn’t make you too late for your meeting cutie.**

Whatever conversation Laf and Perry were having with her suddenly became muted and she typed out a quick, eager response.

**Laura (6:37 pm): Carmilla?**

**Unknown (6:38 pm): hmm...I suppose a lot of people would call you cutie**

**Unknown (6:38 pm): So yea, it’s Carmilla**

**Laura (6:40 pm): haha very funny**

**Laura (6:40 pm): And don’t worry about my meeting, it wasn’t your fault**

Laura tried to hide the smile that was growing on her face and did her best to return her attention to her friends. Easier said than done. 

***

“Shit!” Carmilla shouted as she pulled her hand back quickly from the hot pot handle. She has been distractedly texting out a response to Laura with one and trying to cook with the other. Not wise. 

The two heads from the couch had turned to her and as they saw her shaking her hand in pain, both Eli and Kirsch were making their way over to her. 

“Wow, you ok, dude?” 

Carmilla groaned, walking over to the sink and running her hand under some cold water. “I’m fine,” she grumbled. 

“Mama?” Eli said softly, grabbing onto Carmilla’s leg and looking up at her with wide eyes. “Are you ok?”

The pain in her hand was easing and she gave her daughter a wide smile to show her she was alright. “I’m fine, bub.”

Wordlessly, she was making her way over to the living room with Eli and Kirsch was taking over handling the pot. 

***

**Carmilla (6:50 pm): just burned my hand because of you. Thanks a lot, cupcake**

**Laura (6:57 pm): Oml Carm. Are you ok?**

**Carmilla (7:01 pm): well still hurts a little. Maybe you could kiss it better ;)**

**Laura (7:01 pm): I’m sure you say that to all the girls**

**Carmilla (7:01 pm): trust me cutie, minor injuries are not my usual method of flirting**

“Who is texting you like crazy?” Lafontaine asked, bringing Laura out of her conversation with Carmilla. 

“Um...no one,” she said, putting her phone down. She was supposed to be hanging out with her friends. It wasn’t like she was going to see Laf tomorrow at school anymore. She should be making the best of it.

When her phone buzzed again, she couldn’t dodge the raised eyebrow that Laf was giving her. Even Perry was peering at her expectantly. 

“You remember that woman that lost her kid at the Christmas Village?” 

“Wait a minute!” Laf said incredulously. “Christmas Village girl? The one you didn’t shut up about for a whole week?”

“Hey!” she replied defensively, “I was not that bad!” A smile crept up to her face as she pictured Carmilla again, “Plus, if you saw her, you would totally understand.”

“Ok, I get it, Frosch. Your mystery lady is the most beautiful thing and her eyes are the deepest, darkest things you’ve ever seen!” Laf mocked overdramatically. “Am I close?”

Laura groaned with fake annoyance at Lafontaine’s teasing. “We are just friends, Laf. Nothing more.”

“Yes, Lafontaine,” Perry said, finally chiming in. “I think it’s smart that Laura is not pursuing a relationship with this woman. She does have baggage you know.” They all knew that Perry was talking about Carmilla’s daughter and any teasing about Carmilla ended. 

**Carmilla (7:05 pm): But is it working?**

**Laura (7:06 pm): Maybe. Maybe not. :)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts?


	3. The Date?

**January 9th, 2021.**

Carmilla was hunched over the kitchen island. She had a few doodled napkins strewn around her and was fleshing out the designs into something more substantial. She still wasn’t sure what she was designing this for, it didn’t seem to fit any of the current projects she had, but she told herself that she could come back to it and draw ideas from it in the future. 

She glanced over to the living room and saw her daughter sprawled across the floor with a bunch of different kinds of toys scattered around her. Eli was just lying there staring up at the ceiling and waving her arms above her face aimlessly. Carmilla cracked a small smile at the display and returned to her work. She knew that Eli would be coming over to disturb her any second. 

“Mama!” she heard from across the room, Eli now peering over at her. “I’m bored.” 

“Ok, kiddo,” she said, not looking up from her work. “What do you want to do?”

Eli then ran over to her and started tapping incessantly on her, as high as she could reach, so her knee. “Mama! Mama! Mama!” she continued complaining. Carmilla just rolled her eyes and gathered her papers into a pile. She got up from her stool and took Eli into her arms, perching her on her hip. Ok, maybe she didn’t need to be picking her up, but Carmilla liked to hold her. 

“Alright Monkey,” she teased, wriggling her nose at her. “You’ve got my attention.” She walked them over to the couch and plopped down, pulling Eli against her chest. “What do you wanna do today?”

Eli didn’t answer for a bit, simply snuggling her face into Carmilla and groaning. “I’m bored!” she exclaimed a bit louder than before. 

“Wanna go out? We can go to the park.”

Eli’s eyes lit up at that and she raised her head off of Carmilla, beaming a bright smile up at her. “Parkkk!” she shouted. She started bouncing in Carmilla’s lap. She obviously had a lot of pent up energy today, the park would help her get rid of that.

***

The week had passed slowly for Laura. She had got her through her meeting with her terrifying new boss and she was starting to make a few friends among the other professors. But it was also hectic. She had already planned out two weeks of lessons and had written a pop quiz for her students next week. She knew they wouldn’t like that, but she really wanted to make a good impression on her colleagues. 

On top of that, thoughts of a certain dark-haired beauty were also playing through her mind. She didn’t know why she couldn’t get Carmilla out of her head. 

Maybe it was because they had been texting a bit during the week, and Carmilla was a huge flirt. But she was probably like that with everyone. Right? 

I mean, Carmilla was beautiful. Probably one of the most gorgeous people she had ever seen, like super-model hot. And Laura could admit that that beauty was a bit intense and intimidating. So maybe she was having a hard time believing that Carmilla was flirting with her. Even if Carmilla had already asked her out for drinks earlier in the week. Which Laura had politely declined of course. She had a lot of work that week, after all, it just wasn’t possible. 

But it was the weekend now, and she didn’t have work. So maybe they could go on that ‘date?’ now. 

And even if it wasn’t going to be a date, Laura was perfectly capable of being just friends with a gorgeous woman. 

**Laura (8:43 am): Hey sorry for ghosting you this week**

**Laura (8:43 am): still getting used to the new job**

***

Carmilla was sitting on a park bench watching as Eli ran around, climbing around the play structure. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket but she wasn’t ready to take her eyes off her daughter, so she let the device sit there. 

The park was loud, even though it was far from crowded. But children were loud, and the few that were running around her were laughing and yelling playfully at the top of their lungs. Eli included. Carmilla still hated noise, but when she saw Eli smiling from ear to ear, it was more than bearable. 

Her phone buzzed again, and then again and then again. She tried to ignore it, but when it started ringing, she rolled her eyes and yanked it out of her pocket. She didn’t even check the caller ID and just held it up to her ear. 

“What?” she barked out, upset that this caller was breaking her personal bubble. 

“Yo, Carm-sexy,” Kirsch laughed on the other end of the line. “Don’t bite my head off!”

“Ugh, Kirsch,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes over-dramatically even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “What do you want?”

“You aren’t home, are you?” 

She hesitated until she realized he had probably shown up at her door unannounced again. “No, not home.”

“Aw, man!” he exclaimed exasperatedly. “What do you want, Kirsch?” she repeated absent-mindedly, still keeping an eye on Eli. 

“Your motorcycle? Can I borrow it?” 

_ My bike?  _ Carmilla thought. She hadn’t ridden that thing in years after she packed it up when she had Eli. It wasn’t very functional for her then. And she had honestly kind of forgotten that she still had it in storage. 

_ Why would he even want to borrow that?  _ She was fairly certain that he didn’t even know how to ride one. “I don’t have that thing anymore. That was like three years ago.”

Kirsch laughed, he didn’t know why his friend always insisted on being so difficult, but she was so predictable sometimes. “Come on, Carmilla. I know you didn’t get rid of it, that thing is like your baby.”

“Why do you even want to borrow it?” she asked, annoyed. 

“We both know that thing is like a chick-magnet. I just need it for one afternoon. Please, dude?”

***

**September 2012**

The wind was blowing through her hair as she drove, causing her hair to whip behind her wildly. She couldn’t help the wide smile that stretched across her face and she laughed as the fast-moving air stung her skin. 

She was driving a bit too fast, but she was almost in the city, so she was getting her speeding out now. The engine roared under her and she giggled at the sound, luckily there was no one around to hear her. 

Carmilla was not like most freshmen students, she didn’t have tuition to worry about. In fact, as soon as her mother heard that she got accepted into NYU, Carmilla’s bank account had just magically grown in size. She didn’t even have to ask. 

Some of that money may or may not have been spent on her bike. Her mother definitely would not approve of her daughter riding around like a ‘hoodlum’, but Lilita would never have to know. That was one of the main advantages of school in New York. 

Finally, Carmilla pulled up against the sidewalk of her school. She climbed off her bike and tousled her hair as she removed her helmet. She pulled her aviator sunglasses up and tucked them on top of her head. 

All of her belongings had arrived in New York a week ago, and she had hired people to pack it all into her off-campus apartment. No way in hell was she going to be in shared housing.

For now, the only thing she would have to worry about was becoming acquainted with the campus. A few people were looking at her right now, guys and girls, and she knew finding her own personal tour guide definitely wouldn’t be a problem. 

She walked up to a group of girls that were whispering amongst themselves as they eyed her. “Hey sweetheart,” she drawled, making eye contact with the blushing blonde. “I’m new here. Care to show me around?”

Carmilla smirked as the girl’s cheeks reddened and she didn’t miss the way the girl’s friends groaned at her. Carmilla started walking further onto the campus, and she heard the hurried footsteps of the blonde following behind her. 

“So what’s your name, sweetheart?” she asked, eyeing the pretty blonde up and down. 

“Eleanor. But everyone calls me Ell.”

***

**January 10th, 2021.**

A stripe of sunlight streamed in through a crack in Carmilla’s curtains, hitting her right in the eyes and waking her from her slumber. She turned over to avoid the offending light and found that her daughter was tucked into her side. Eli’s head was buried into her and she was breathing deeply, obviously not disturbed by Carmilla’s movement. 

This was a habit that Carmilla was trying to break in her daughter. Although Eli was able to sleep in her own room, most nights the three-year-old would tiptoe her way into Carmilla’s bed and curl up with her mother. But for now, Carmilla let herself enjoy it. Carmilla hummed and held Eli tightly, savoring the warmth of the small human. 

When she realized that Eli was not going to get up any time soon, she reached over to her phone to check the time. It was difficult to get it without disturbing the child, but she managed, switching on the screen. 

Her notification bar rolled down the screen, showing a few missed texts. Kirsch continuing to beg her to borrow her bike, Elsie telling her about her upcoming client meetings, and...two texts from Laura? 

Carmilla hadn’t expected to hear from Laura again. In their last texting conversation, she had basically rejected Carmilla when the brunette had asked her to get drinks with her. Naturally, Carmilla assumed she wasn’t interested. But maybe she still was. 

**Laura (8:43 am Yesterday): Hey sorry for ghosting you this week**

**Laura (8:43 am Yesterday): still getting used to the new job**

**Carmilla (8:02 am): it’s no problem, cutie. The working world can be a bitch**

**Carmilla (8:03 am): But you’re not working today are you?**

Carmilla stared at her screen for a few minutes, hoping that would summon Laura to text her back. She had never been the most patient person after all. But when 10 minutes of fruitless staring passed, she cast her phone aside and decided she should probably wake up her sleeping child. 

***

Carmilla was curled over herself on her couch, barely keeping herself awake when Laura finally texted her back.

**Laura (9:31 am): nope...no work today!**

She smiled and closed her book, marking her place with a random piece of scrap paper that she had found earlier that week. 

**Carmilla (9:33 am): I’m free too. We should do something.**

**Carmilla (9:33 am): Drinks tonight?**

**Laura (9:35 am): well I do have work tomorrow. Don’t wanna be hungover.**

**Laura (9:36 am): Maybe just dinner?**

As a single mother, Carmilla didn’t have a lot of sex. Well, she didn’t have as much as she would sometimes like. Definitely not as much as in her younger years. But she had plenty of things to keep her mind busy. She had a child to raise and a demanding job.

However, every once in a while, her body protested her long periods of abstinence and she would find a random girl at a bar to satisfy her, and the cycle would start again. 

So when she felt that familiar heat run through her as she read Laura’s invitation, she blamed it on the fact that she couldn’t remember the last time she had slept with someone. She just needed to get Laura out of her system and she would be good again. 

Luckily, there would be plenty of time to get it out of her system later. But for now she had other things to do. She quickly typed out an agreement to Laura, saying that she would meet her at the restaurant that night. 

Then she looked over at Eli, who was comfortably stacking a set of building blocks, and sighed. She would have to get someone to watch her. Luckily she knew just the person. 

**Carmilla (9:40 am): bro for brains, I need a favor**

**Carmilla (9:40 am): Can you watch Eli tonight?**

**Carmilla (9:41 am): I’ll let you borrow my bike**

*******

The longer Laura stood in front of the restaurant, the less sure she was that this was actually a date. Maybe it was just that her brain was getting too much time to overthink the situation, but Carmilla was late. People are normally on time for dates, right?

She was awkwardly pulling on her jacket that she was wearing over her white dress (that she has chosen to wear just in case this was a date) and wondering if she should wait any longer. She was considering just going into the restaurant and waiting in there. I mean, it was cold out and she was getting a bit annoyed.

But she didn’t have to, because she saw someone casually strolling down the pavement. And even from here, Laura could make out the defining smirk that she had become acquainted with the last time she saw Carmilla in person. 

“Sorry, I’m late, cupcake,” she greeted, the smirk still a permanent fixture on her face. 

“That’s fine,” she said, giving Carmilla a polite smile. Laura started heading inside without a word, trusting that Carmilla would follow her in. 

She spoke to the man at the front, getting a table for the two of them, and they walked silently through the restaurant. 

It wasn’t until they were seated that Laura realized that they had nothing to talk about. They knew almost nothing about each other and she still wasn’t sure how they had spoken so casually at the coffee shop last week. Right now, it just felt different, off a bit. 

Maybe it was because she was projecting her ‘is this a date’ thoughts on the whole situation.  _ Ok, Laura, stop stressing yourself out. Let’s just go with it.  _

She looked across the table after her mental conversation and saw that Carmilla was staring at her. As they made eye contact, Carmilla started slipping off her jacket, all the while staring intently at Laura. 

And damn...ok maybe this was definitely a date because Carmilla was wearing a corset, and people don’t just wear those things to a regular friend thing, right?  _ Ugh, shut up!  _ She told herself. 

“You look amazing,” Carmilla said, breaking Laura out of her thoughts. 

“Me? You look —” Laura started, having trouble having to find her words. And seriously, could you blame her. Carmilla was in a freaking corset. “that’s just — wow,” she finally stuttered out. 

She urged her face not to betray her but based on how warm she felt and the raised eyebrow Carmilla was shooting her, she knew that it did. Laura cleared her throat and did her best to collect herself. 

The night passed by more smoothly after that, Laura easily falling into her talkative nature. But she wanted to know more about Carmilla as well, so she made sure to shoot plenty of questions her way. 

Carmilla on the other hand was perfectly content with listening to Laura talk. Even after how much fun she had last time, just listening to the blonde ramble on, it still confused why this wasn’t annoying her. But she pushed that aside and focused on how beautiful Laura looked. 

The cute, off-shoulder, white dress definitely told Carmilla she was interested. 

And even if Carmilla was getting lost in the conversation at times, not helped by the fact that Laura spoke a mile a minute, she had also shared a bunch of useless information with the blonde. Like her favorite food, and color, and animal. Why did Laura even ask her about those things? Carmilla had no idea, but it was a bit cute that she accepted the information like it was the important thing in the world. 

Soon enough, Laura was resting her arm on the table and Carmilla was lightly running her fingers across her skin. Carmilla didn’t miss the slight catch of her breath, and Carmilla knew she was in. With the hungry way that Laura was looking at her, it was basically a sure thing at this point. 

The atmosphere at the table had shifted from the bubbly excitement that Laura had projected for most of the night. The silent air was now buzzing with anticipation, a perpetual smirk on Carmilla’s face, and the look of desire in Laura’s eyes unmistakeable. 

They paid the bill, splitting it after Laura refused to let Carmilla pay. And they made their way to Laura’s car, their hands clasped together as Carmilla’s fingers danced suggestively in Laura’s palm. Laura wasn’t normally one for sex on the first date, and she knew for sure that this was a date, but with Carmilla’s gaze running up and down her, she didn’t really care at this moment. 

“I had a great time,” Laura started, not missing the way Carmilla’s smile widened. 

“It’s still early. Should we get dessert or something?” Laura asked. 

“Hmm,” Carmilla hummed, furrowing her bottom lip between her teeth and running her hands down Laura’s arms. She rested her hands firmly on Laura’s hips. 

“I think I have some dessert ideas,” she chuckled, pulling Laura closer to her. 

A small gasp escaped Laura’s mouth at the sudden movement, but the noise died as quickly as it came when she saw how Carmilla was staring at her. Laura wrapped her arms around Carmilla and she pressed their bodies together. 

Carmilla was leaning forwards, her breath ghosting across Laura’s face. And all thoughts that weren’t how Carmilla’s lips would feel against hers were immediately gone from Laura’s mind. She pushed herself forwards slightly, closing the small gap that remained between them. 

The kiss was nothing like Laura expected. Judging by the way Carmilla had been looking at her before, she had expected the kiss to be hurried and hungry. But it was different than her brain could have ever imagined. It was slow and sweet and she swore that the world stopped spinning for that moment. 

Carmilla pulled back from her a bit, and Laura felt a grin growing on her face at the small, shy smile that Carmilla was giving her now. It was different from any smile she had gotten that entire night. This Carmilla here right now felt different than the one she had gotten all night. 

Laura rushed forwards again, the smile on her face barely allowing her to kiss Carmilla how she wanted. 

Carmilla was not surprised that Laura was kissing her. That was how she had expected the night to go. She had arrived here expecting a lot more than just kissing. 

But she was surprised by the way it felt. 

Their mouths were moving smoothly against one another and Carmilla had a firm grip on Laura’s face, cupping both of her cheeks in her hands. She could feel the way that Laura was smiling into the kiss. She could feel the pressure of Laura’s fingers digging lightly into her back as she tried to pull them closer together. 

Carmilla had never felt a kiss like this and her head was spinning. The whole world was spinning. 

She felt the sensation of Laura’s tongue sliding slowly against her lips and she felt the stars behind her eyes. This felt like too much. It just felt too real. 

“We should take this to my place,” Laura mumbled against her lips, not breaking the kiss for a second. Her hands dropped from Laura’s face immediately and she pulled back harshly, breaking the kiss violently. A cruel end to a kiss that had no right to make Carmilla feel the way she did. 

“I have to go!” she blurted out, shaking Laura’s arms from around her. 

“Carm?” she heard Laura call as she walked away from her. But Laura was too close to her right now. Carmilla couldn’t be here right now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I would push to get this chapter out since it’s Valentine’s. Hope you guys liked it. Any and all thoughts are welcomed.


	4. The Fear

**January 11th, 2021.**

It was the opening of the front door that woke him from his slumber. Normally, Kirsch was a deep sleeper, and it would take a lot more than that to rouse him. But Carmilla’s couch wasn’t the most comfortable and the little noise his friend was making was more than enough to wake him. 

He let out a big, open-mouthed yawn and stretched for his phone that he had left on the coffee table. It was a bit strange that Carmilla was home when it was barely after midnight, but it wouldn’t be the first time. Maybe the girl just wasn’t that good and she couldn’t handle another round. That’s what she had told him last time that he had asked. 

“Yo dude,” he said excitedly, sitting up quickly to greet her. He was just about to ask her how her date was. But when he saw the look on her face, the words died in his mouth. 

Even in the low light, he could see that her eyes were red and her cheeks were slightly puffed. She had been crying. He watched as she shrugged off her thick jacket and tossed it onto the kitchen counter. And when she turned to him again, she had steeled her expression, not giving away a hint at what she was feeling. 

He wanted to ask her what was wrong; he hadn’t seen her cry in years. He wanted to comfort her and he was totally ready to punch whoever was at fault. But he knew his friend. He had learned the hard way that Carmilla wouldn’t tell him a thing unless she was ready to, and the way she painted on an obviously strained smile told him that she wouldn’t be talking tonight. 

Carmilla knew that Kirsch was worried about her. She would have found somewhere to wash the tears off her cheeks if she had known he would still be awake. But for now, she was just glad that he wasn’t pressing the issue. She was sure that if he did, she would either yell at him or break down into a sobbing mess all over again. Kirsch gave her a supportive smile and she felt a bit of the tension leave her body, knowing that it meant she could retreat to her room. 

But first, she walked to Eli’s room, her door right across the hall from Carmilla’s, and pushed the door open. She didn’t want to wake her daughter, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to rest until she saw her sleeping soundly. As she peered into the dark, she saw that the bed was still made, dark sheets still neatly tucked under the pillows. She would have been worried, but she knew what that meant. 

She entered her bedroom instead. Eli looked tiny, bundled up in the blankets on Carmilla’s bed, and any tension that was still remaining in Carmilla’s body dissipated. She changed into some comfortable pajamas and washed her face in the bathroom before snuggling up to her daughter. 

She knew she wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon, and so she let herself focus on Eli’s relaxed breathing, counting each exhale to lull herself to sleep. 

***

Laura let out a long, heavy sigh as she made her way down the stairwell of her apartment building. She looked down at her car keys in her hand and decided against driving to work that morning. Her eyes were burning with how tired she was; she hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep the night before and her body was feeling it now. But it wasn’t her fault, she couldn’t stop her brain from whirling with thoughts of Carmilla. 

Yes, some of those thoughts were ‘that was the best date of life’ and ‘I can’t stop thinking about the way your lips felt against mine’, but they were all stained by Carmilla running off after. She just couldn’t get the memory of Carmilla’s terrified face out of her mind. She couldn’t remember a time that she had seen someone look so genuinely scared. 

When she got to the bus stop, she reflexively pulled out her phone. Her fingers, working on their own volition, pulled up Carmilla’s contact and Laura couldn’t stop staring at it. She wanted to call her, to see if she was ok. But they barely knew each other, I mean, it had only been one date. A date that had ended with Carmilla ditching her in the parking lot with warm lips and a muddled mind. 

But at the same time, she was almost certain that she wasn’t the reason Carmilla had bolted. The entire night had been going wonderfully. At its surface, it may have seemed like any other date, but Laura had never felt more strongly drawn to another person. She had never felt like she connected with someone after such a brief time of knowing them. And the way Carmilla had melted into their kiss, and the way she looked at Laura with so much emotion, she knew that Carmilla felt something too. 

So Laura opted for the middle ground, spending the rest of her short cab ride to think of the best thing to say over text. 

**Laura (7:36 am): are you ok?**

The cab pulled up in front of the university campus and Laura shoved her phone into her jacket pocket. She shook her head, hoping to clear out the thoughts of Carmilla. She still had work to do and she wasn’t about to let her worrying stop her from getting her job done. 

***

**January 16th, 2021.**

A whole week had passed since her date with Laura. Carmilla had done her best to ignore her phone that week, but it just wasn’t possible. She had already spent more time than she would like to admit staring at the texts Laura had sent her. It was only a few texts from earlier in the week and was mainly Laura trying to find out if Carmilla was alright. And although she read them countless times, Carmilla was yet to reply. But she wasn’t going to reply. She didn’t want to want to reply. 

So instead of dealing with her feelings head-on, she took the Carmilla route and tried to bury herself in her work. Not that it worked, even when she was deep in paperwork, Laura was still plaguing her mind. 

That was why she was angrily hunched over her laptop when Eli came running up to her. The child didn’t say anything, simply climbing up onto Carmilla’s lap and snuggling into her. Confused at the behavior, Carmilla looked up at the clock.  _ Shit, when did it get so late,  _ she thought. It was already 3 pm and Eli’s nap time had passed. 

But before Carmilla could beat herself up about that, her buzzer doorbell went off. She groaned softly and made her way to the door, still holding Eli and being extra careful not to wake her. 

“Carm-se—” Kirsch was cut off by the death glare Carmilla was giving him as she opened the door to her apartment. 

Eli was balanced on Carmilla’s hip with her tiny arms wrapped around Carmilla’s neck tightly. 

“She's asleep?” Kirsch whispered, still comically loud for a whisper. 

Carmilla just nodded and ushered him into the apartment. 

Wordlessly, she made her way to Eli’s room to put her down, while Kirsch settled himself comfortably on the couch. 

“What’re you doing here, beefcake?” she asked, walking back into the living room and flumping down onto the couch next to him. 

“You’re kidding right?” he laughed, eyeing Carmilla, not surprised to see she was completely serious. 

“Dude! You said I could Eli to that thing in the park. Remember?” 

Carmilla just looked at him confusedly. She couldn’t remember what he was talking about but she had been such a mess this week that she wasn’t surprised that it had slipped her mind. She rolled her eyes at him and kicked her feet up, grabbing her book from the coffee table. 

“She missed her nap, so I don’t think she’s gonna be up in time for that,” she said casually, hoping to ignore him by burying her head in the pages. 

“Fine,” he grumped, setting up his face as he slumped further into the couch. He knew that whatever was going on with Carmilla was because of that girl. She never forgot anything, especially if it had to do with Eli. He was hoping that she would have opened up to him about it by now, or at least gotten over it by herself if that was the case. 

“Is this about that girl?” he asked, breaking the silence that had settled over them. Carmilla knew he was worried about her, but she had really been hoping that he wouldn’t bring it up. She didn’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t even a big deal. 

“What girl?” Carmilla asked innocently. She didn’t even look up from her book, but she knew the look Kirsch was giving her. The look that said ‘ _ you’re not fooling anyone’ _ . 

They let the silence fill the space between them, both waiting to see who was going to crack first. But it was going to be Kirsch, it always was.

“Come on, Carmilla,” he said seriously. “You know I don’t bug you about stuff” — which was true, he normally didn’t — “but you gotta talk about it sometime.”

Still, she just ignored him. 

“She didn’t do anything did she?” he gasped as he uttered the words, a look of disgust and horror crossing his face. “Cuz although I would never hit a girl, I totally would if she did something.”

“She didn’t do anything,” Carmilla said, still unwilling to look him in the eyes. She knew that if she did she would start talking, and she really didn’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t her fault that Kirsch was just so easy to talk to. 

“So what’s the problem, bro? The sex couldn’t have been that bad,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. That’s when he knew it was something serious; when Carmilla didn’t even crack a smile. She always laughed at sex jokes. 

“I liked her,” Carmilla muttered, the words barely heard with how soft she spoke them. 

“Dude that’s great!” Kirsch shouted, obviously not seeing the problem. 

Carmilla’s face was red and she just wanted the ground to swallow her up. The simple act of voicing the words that had been rattling around her brain was just too much. 

“You don’t understand, Kirsch,” she said shortly, bitterness seeping into her words. “I really liked her. ”

“Yeah dude, I don’t understand. What’s wrong with that? Isn’t that the whole point of dating?”

“It was not a date, dude,” she said annoyed. “We were just supposed to fuck.”

“Still not seeing the problem, Carm-sexy. She would totally be into dating you. I mean, you’re like totally hot.” 

Carmilla knew she shouldn’t have started talking about it. She felt her shoulders shake and she immediately tucked her hands under her, sitting on them. The last thing she wanted was to punch Kirsch for trying to help. Actually, the last thing she wanted was this conversation to continue. 

He kept talking though. Listing out all the reasons Laura would ‘totally date her’, telling her how ‘rad’ she was and how ‘awesome’ Eli was and that having a kid definitely wouldn’t chase her away. 

Then he said what she really was hoping he wouldn’t bring up. He said Ell’s name. 

_ Fuck,  _ she was hoping he wouldn’t go there. She clenched her jaw, biting down her tongue until she tasted blood. She didn’t want to talk to him because she knew she wouldn’t be able to control herself. But he just wouldn’t shut up. And he just kept saying her name. And she just couldn’t handle hearing Ell’s name as her brain pictured Laura’s face. 

She was on her feet before she knew it, and her hands were grabbing onto the front of Kirsch’s shirt, yanking him off the couch. 

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!” she screamed, the words dripping out of her mouth and tasting like poison in the air. She knew that wasn’t true, she knew that he understood more than most. That’s why they were such good friends after all. 

“Of course I know,” he said, his voice still calm. He had dealt with Carmilla for years and a little bit of anger thrown his way was expected. He had seen her much worse before. “I don’t keep myself locked away just because of SJ, and you shouldn’t let Ell stop you.”

“You don’t know anything, Wilson,” she spat. “And I don’t ever want to hear you say Ell’s name again! You don’t know a thing about her.”

Her hands were still gripping onto his shirt tightly and she started pushing him towards the door. She couldn’t think anymore. Couldn’t hear anything that wasn’t what she was saying. Couldn’t see anything that wasn’t shoving Kirsch out of the apartment, because he needed to be gone. 

“You’re scared Carmilla. You’ve always been scared.” He hated seeing his friend like this, but he couldn’t just let her keep doing this to herself. “You keep pushing everyone away because you are too scared. If you don’t take a risk, you’re going to be alone forever. ”

She dropped her hands from him and turned away sharply. “Get the fuck out,” she whispered. 

**February 2013**

Carmilla blinked her eyes open and Ell was there beside her. The blonde was still fast asleep and Carmilla let herself run her hands over her unclothed torso. She couldn’t help it that her lips tugged upwards at the familiarity of it all. 

Ell wasn’t the first girl Carmilla had slept with, but she was the first girl she had slept in the same bed as. 

The pair had been seeing each other for a few months now. That is if seeing each other consisted of mind-blowing sex a few times a week. They had never discussed where they were going, or how they felt, or what else they wanted. But looking at Ell right now, Carmilla knew that she felt something besides initial, surface-level attraction. And that feeling alone was enough to bring a smile to her face. 

“Why are you staring at me?” Ell asked as she fluttered her eyes open, a light laugh escaping her. 

Carmilla simply smiled back at her. A wide, unburdened smile. She couldn’t remember the last time she had smiled like this because of someone. But she also couldn’t remember the last time she felt this way because of someone. 

Instead of answering, Carmilla leaned in and captured Ell’s lips in a heated kiss, breathing in every bit of the girl. “Morning” she rasped against Ell’s lips, pulling back enough to stare into her eyes. But what she saw, well it scared her. 

Ell’s eyes were hungry, and Carmilla knew just what for. And she realized that she had no idea if Ell felt anything for her besides that initial, surface-level attraction. So Carmilla closed her eyes and kissed her again. Giving her what she knew what she wanted. 

  
  


***

**January 16th, 2021.**

Laura had immersed herself in her new job over the last week, burying her head in the ridiculous amount of scripts she had to mark, almost all thoughts of Carmilla were gone from her mind. But now that the work-week was over and she had cleared all the work she could think of, Laura needed something else to occupy her mind. 

So here she was, bundled in her puffy jacket and ringing the doorbell to Laf and Perry’s home. The redhead couple had gotten a good deal on a small flat, closer to the edge of the city, a few years ago. It really wasn’t much on two teachers’ salaries, but thanks to Perry’s touch and Lafontaine’s handiness with almost all tools, they made the place feel like home. And of course, that homeliness extended to both Laura and Danny. 

Perry was there to welcome Laura at the door, ushering her inside and immediately pointing out the snacks she had prepared for the evening. Why did Perry feel the need to prepare hors-d’oeuvres for their monthly game night? Well, that was just Perry for you. 

Laura took in the room, noticing Danny was already there, laughing along to something Laf was saying, and the dining table was already scattered with different board game boxes. 

“Hollis!” the tall ginger greeted as she spotted Laura across the room. “Hope you’re ready to avenge us. They kicked our butts last month!” 

Laura chuckled and pulled up a seat at the table, sitting beside Danny as Perry sat beside Lafontaine. 

Laura had been coming to game night with Laf and Perry since her freshman year. Then a year later when Laura started dating Danny, the group grew to four of them. Even after they broke up, it remained the four of them, and Laura couldn’t help but laugh softly at the familiar display around her. 

Perry was pulling game boxes out of the messy piles that Laf had made, and the other two gingers were heavily debating which game they should play first. 

***

“Goddammit!” Danny shouted as she slammed the notepad that was being used to keep score on the table. 

“How could you not act out ‘jester’!” Laf said teasingly to Laura. The whole group laughed loudly as Laura scrunched up her face and groaned, letting Perry step up to the plate. 

They were four games in and Laura and Danny were losing incredibly. Normally they were able to keep a smaller margin between the points, even if it was common knowledge that Laf and Perry were still undefeated after 5 years of game nights. 

Perry acted out a confusing set of actions that neither Laura nor Danny could even take a guess at, but before long Lafontaine was chiming in with the right answer. “Beanstalk!”

Danny shot a confused look at Laura because how in the world was that ‘beanstalk’, but Laura seemed to be lost in thought. In fact, she had been doing that all night. Whenever it wasn’t their turn, she seemed completely focused on something else. Her distractedness was probably why they were getting their asses handed to them.

“Ok, good game!” Perry chimed cheerily, casually marking off a few more points in their column. 

“Don’t worry, Hollis,” Danny said, trying to pull Laura out of her thoughts. “We’ll win next time.”

That prompted a hearty laugh from Laf which was quickly replaced with a guilty look as Perry shot them a glare. 

Perry grabbed up the plates that were scattered around them. Once Danny gave her a pleading look, she asked Laf to help her to wash up and the couple was retreating to the kitchen. 

But even as Danny stared directly at her, trying to figure out what Laura was thinking about so intensely, Laura was so caught up in her head that she didn’t even notice the other two had left the room. 

“Laur” Danny said gently, repeating herself a few times. Laura startled as she realized Danny was calling her, and she turned her body to face her immediately. 

She hadn’t meant to get distracted, but the thoughts of Carmilla just kept bombarding her. She didn’t know why it hit her so hard tonight. She hadn’t seen Carmilla in almost a week and had spent that week with her head basically Carmilla-free. 

But sitting here at game night, it seemed like a week of thoughts were just hitting her at the same time. She couldn’t stop remembering how attractive was and how good their kiss felt. And then she couldn’t help but feel like her heart was breaking when she remembered how the night ended. She knew it was silly, she barely knew Carmilla and it shouldn’t have been bothering her this much. 

“You ok there, Laura?” Danny asked. “You keep zoning out.”

Laura looked up at Danny, and of course, there was nothing but sincerity written on the ginger’s face. Danny always cared. Laura considered telling her about what was bothering her. But even though she had broken up with Danny almost 2 years ago, it felt weird to talk about her crushes with her. That had never been a problem before now, because pathetically, Laura hadn’t had many crushes in that time. 

“It’s all good,” she said, forcing a smile onto her face. “I’m just stressed about the new job, I guess.”

Danny scoffed. “I know what stressed Laura looks like. And this is not it. This is pining Laura.”

“Wha-what?!? That is not — I am not pining.”

“Is this about that date you went to on Sunday?”

“It is not about that,” Laura said, a bit too quickly, a pout forming on her face. “Wait! How did you know about that?”

“Laf told me at work,” Danny shrugged.  _ Dammit,  _ Laura thought, she kept forgetting that the two still worked together now that she wasn’t there. “It’s not a big deal, you know. We’ve been broken up for years, Laura,” Danny laughed, “you can tell me about your dates.”

_ Ugh, this was awkward. _ It's not that she didn’t think she couldn’t talk to Danny about this kind of stuff, it's just not something they did. It just wasn’t their thing. 

“You know, you don’t tell me about your dates either,” Laura quipped, doing her best to deflect the conversation. 

That shut Danny up for a minute, as she realized that Laura was right. She didn’t talk to her about her love life. But she didn’t know why. Laura was her best friend before they dated and she was still her best friend now that they were broken up. 

“Well, I’m actually seeing someone,” Danny said awkwardly. 

Laura’s eyes widened at that. She definitely hadn’t expected that. “Really, Danny! That’s great.” She was smiling and was eager to change the topic to Danny’s love life instead of hers. 

“Yea yea,” Danny said, “He’s fine, it's not that serious.” She was failing miserably to suppress the blush that was rising up her face. “Now I told you, so your turn.”

Laura didn’t really want to talk about Carmilla. She wouldn’t even know where to start. She knew she liked Carmilla, like a lot. But she had no idea if Carmilla liked her back. Probably not though, she had been ignoring Laura for the past week. But Laura didn’t know what it was, her brain just refused to drop Carmilla. Something was drawing her to Carmilla and she couldn’t even explain it. It was honestly a bit terrifying. 

“It’s really nothing, Danny,” she said, desperately avoiding eye contact. “We probably won’t see each other again.”

Danny looked at her sympathetically, but Laura was still refusing to look at her. 

“Well, don’t worry, Hollis. There are plenty of fish in the sea.”

A bout of silence was settling over them, blanketing the room until Lafontaine came barreling into the room. They were holding a plate piled high with chocolate chip cookies. 

“Hey is Laura done pining?” they quipped, shoving the plate towards Laura. 

“I was not pining!” She shouted defensively, a pout forming on her face. 

“Come on, Frosch. You’re like the piniest pine that’s ever pined,” they laughed, taking a big bite of their own cookie. Laura simply grumbled over her own cookie. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
